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i want my old life back. with knowing i have butt, kitii, and cigi there for me. going to school. not worrying about veronica everyday, hoping she doesn't have to be rushed to the hospital again. making sure eric doesn't get bullied by stupid jocks at school just because he is unsure of his sexual preference. i miss my mother.
i know i royally fucked up everything that was special and important to me. and i know i can't just have it back without working for it. it's just really really hard. i'm sorry everyone.
i need happy drugs. i feel like shit. i can't sleep when i'm at my mom's. i fucking miss that stupid son of a bitch asshole manipulative ex-everything to me. why?

when i'm at my mom's i cry. this isn't normal. or good. i'm so jealous of people that aren't all fucked up in the head like me. fuck all of you okay people. you make me wish i could be you for one day, but i won't ever be able to. doctors just keep putting me on drugs that only work for a month and then it's worse. you doctors are stupid. trying to cure someone of things they don't have. with your smart-people talk like they know what's best for you. just a bunch of money-grubbers. stop telling me it's all in my head. i told you guys that a loooooooong time ago and you didn't believe me. fucking idiots.

enough about doctors. sasha wants sleep. and friends that will put up with her stupid sad-nesses. actually if you can drug me out of that state i will love you forever.

at work i'm so fucking happy and cheerful. that's the old me coming out. the me i miss and don't want to share with others because then i don't get her anymore and it makes me sad. then it's the stupid sad-sasha me. and she is a real downer. but at least she's always with me.
haha. butt smells. i need a lighter! i like red eyeliner. i think i look stoned off my ass. i'm not though.

i miss kreigen. he needs to figure out if he wants to date me or not. i'm not very patient and he's the only person i've waited around for like this. i don't wait for people. he should feel so friggin' special.

'everything little thing that you say or do - i'm hung up - i'm hung up on yoooou.' says madonna. :)

grarararar. i'm so sleepy and i can't sleep anymores and i have to get up at 6.30 to get to school on time and fuck!!!!!!!! i'm never going to sleep again at night. i'm going to start sleeping in class again and the teachers are going to be mean to me cos i snore. meanie teachers. :( and kacey just giggles about it and pokes me with pencils and stuff. meanie her, too.

lalala. i'm so TIRED! i need insta-wake-up pills. some call it coffee. i call it nasty brown water-y shit. yup.

support starving people. eat a doughnut for them.

okay now i'm just getting mean. i'm going to wait for butt now.
it's laid out: day/class/time/location


ART 8AM TO 10.50AM P 110
ENG 12.30PM TO 1.50PM B107


ANTH 8AM TO 9.20AM B 140
MATH 9.30AM TO 10.50AM D 217

wanna go get books on friday or sat?
i dropped my therapist.
i'm not getting back together with kreigen.
i live at my mom's and grandma's.
i lost my best everyday friend in vegas.
i feel shitty.

why can't i sleep at night? because i start thinking. thinking for sasha is dangerous, because she goes over every thing she could have changed and did better and how she just isn't good enough.

i really don't want to live here anymore. i feel like crap all the time. there really isn't anywhere for me to go though. it's not like i have a huge array of friends and family that are just dying for me to call and say i need them.

i don't think people are supposed to sit and feel sorry for themselves. i've always been against that, but i find i sit around constantly doing what i hate in others.

i still need a therapist. but i need one i'm not going to sit and lie to once a week, because i'm not having a 'thing' happen at that time.

i hate it where people say parents aren't always there for you and don't care about you. people who say that don't know who their parents are. parents don't have to be related to you. my parents are my mom, grandma, and my stuffed animal momo.

i think my mom knows me best, beacause she is the butt-end of alot of my venting and outrages because of what she does. today, i asked where my notebooks i bought for school were. she said she didn't know and handed me one of MY notebooks with a page ripped out of it. i went ballistic. i told her to never use my stuff again and how nothing of mine was really mine anymore. i counted the pages in that notebook. and found it short one page like she said. and i yelled at her for it. for one fucking page in a notebook.

and i didn't apoligize until she was sleeping. she just did some muttering and turned over. and i laid in bed for an hour crying over it. i'm still all tear-y eyed now. i know this isn't a normal thing to happen.

oh well. that was lot of typing and not alot of acting. i guess i just have to find something that will work for me for more than 5 or 7 months. go medicine-sasha.

bedtime now.

re-animate you feet.
kreigen and i rented domino and watched it at my house. he thought it was awesome, and i think it's was alright. i just didnt' like all the guns and yelling, swearing, and explosions. even though that was about 3/4 of what the movie was.

my visit with rosenman went alright, i have a different perscription now and hopefully will be better.

going to go see ultraviolet with kreigen, so i'm going to go shower. sasha
with my asshole again. MY asshole. ^^
right. i just thought that would be a snappy headline.

i've been single for four days. this is so hard to beleive. after 7 and a half months of being with kreigen, we had a huge blow-up knock-down drag-out fight and i left him. still not sure if this was a smart thing to do or not.

i'm so bored. i think i'll go shopping today, because i have nothing else to do and feel like spending money. very stupid i know.

ah well, may everyone have good fortune bless their days and you get laid in a good way.
how's everyone's weekend going?
i'm such a loser.
ah well.
i miss everyone.
you guys need to call me.
haha! how's that for a bizarre headliner?
it's offcial: i like using my announcer voice.
and its' very annoying, i know.
that's why i use it.
upon further readings: i wish i was not watching my brother and sister so i could go out but on further thought i would be doing illegal things SO its good that i'm watching them.
and for tomorrows forecast: i will be getting totally wasted is too many ways!
go sam's birthday that i'm invited to.
it will kick ass.

that's right, the news is over with. be on your merry way, and don't accept any wooden nickles!
i don't suppose staying with someone because you don't like to be alone is very smart is it?